I am European. As such, I have standards and am hard to impress. Most European women have standards, most European women are hard to impress. American men like European women. European women don’t like American men. In order to get a European woman interested, an American man needs to learn to be more European.
Dining manners (learn from the French)
Dining with you guys is … ehmm … quite an experience. A European woodcutter holds a spoon the way you do while a four-year old child in Europe licks their knife like you. You could definitely do with a lesson or two on a dining etiquette from the French.
Appreciation of good food and wine (learn from the Spanish)
Your favourite dishes are a double cheese burger and mac & cheese. Please don’t commit such cringe-worthy food faux pas by ordering your favourite dish for us. Instead, do yourselves a favour and find some Spanish friends that will introduce you to the world of tasty paella, delicious tapas and divine wine. If you want to impress us, take us to a fine Spanish restaurant on a date. If you want to get rid of us, take us to an American diner.
Fashion style (learn from the Italians)
It’s common knowledge amongst us, Europeans, that you have poor taste in clothes. The ill-fitted suits, the ugly shoes, the hideous caps you wear at weekends?! Walking fashion disasters! I would encourage you visit Milan and observe the stylishness and elegance of the chic Italians.
Sense of humour / banter (learn from the English)
Dear American men, being loud and in our face is in no way hilarious or entertaining for us; it’s annoying. The English would definitely have one or two things to teach you.
Efficiency (learn from the Germans)
You are known for working long hours aka office face time. The Germans are known for working less and being efficient. Dear American men: more efficiency, less face time! Ask a German how it’s done.
Charm (learn from the Scots)
Telling us that you are a hedge fund manager or investment banker and how much you “make” will not get you into our knickers. I’ll give you a tip: go on the pull with a Scot. He’ll show you how to approach and talk to a girl, without all the cheese and sleaze.
Intellectuality (learn from Scandinavians)
We know, you are American and you live in America. For girls from third-world countries, an American passport would probably be the passport into their hearts. For us, Europeans, it’s the intellectual and stimulating conversations that will open the doors for you into ours. We want to talk about history and philosophy – go and learn some from the Scandinavians.
Global awareness & worldview (learn from all Europeans)
Dear American boys, there is an entire world outside of the United States. It’s the travel and appreciation of different cultures what makes men for us interesting; not boasting about the fact you live in the best country in the world without ever having stepped outside of America. So go travel, go explore! Just like us, Europeans…