Tips for Asian guys trying to match with Western girls on Tinder

I am back on Tinder. I find it is a great tool for meeting new people; people that I wouldn’t otherwise meet as they are outside of my circle of friends.
While playing the “yes or no” game, I notice a lot of Asian guys have their narratives in English. To me that’s a sign that they are interested in “matching” with a Western girl. However, their photos and the content of their narratives often suggest the opposite.

I gather that being “cute” is attractive in Asia. My Korean and Japanese female friends prefer what I would define as “feminine girly looking boys”. When I point out at a handsome muscular well-built Asian guy I like, they just turn their heads with an expression that could potentially be considered “dislike”?

The take-away message for your Asian guys who want to attract a Western girl on Tinder is this: As a rule of thumb, what an Asian girl finds attractive in a man, a Western girl finds unattractive. The following will guarantee a 100% left-swipe:

1. Photos of you cuddling with pets. If you are trying to send a message across that you like pets, then include a nice photo with one, but please don’t cuddle with it in the photo. You are not five years old.

2. Photos of your six packs, especially those taken at the gym. I understand that you are proud of your guns and other muscly parts on your body and are trying to show off. There is nothing wrong with that, but please do it in a less obvious fashion. A selfie will just lead to a left-swipe I am afraid. A photo of you and your friends at the beach or a photo of you sailing or pursuing other water-sport activities while looking super-fit and hot will definitely do you more favour. I guarantee that will be a right-swipe – at least from me.

3. Mirror and other phone selfies in general. Please don’t – they look ridiculous.

4. Photos of you eating food, especially those in which you are stuffing your face with an extra-large burger. Yeah, I really am not interested to see how big a burger you can eat or how large your mouth is. I definitely don’t want to see the food stuck between your teeth either.

5. Photos of you being completely wasted. What are you trying to achieve by this one? That you can (or rather can’t) drink? In general, Westerners are able to handle (and digest) more alcohol anyway but it’s not something we are proud of or want to boast about. By the way, drinking is not a competition.

6. Photos of your “assets”. We are living in a superficial world but most Western girls (unless they are gold diggers) are first interested in you as a person. It’s the personality, hobbies, etc. that make you desirable. If you are trying to impress us by your success or other achievements, you may include a more professional photo (not a phone selfie!) from a work function or conference.

7. Dull uninteresting photos, especially if they don’t even show your face. Once again, what’s the point of these? Instead include a photo from your travels (so that we know that you are well-travelled), with your friends (so that we know that you have friends) or doing fun activities (so that we know that you are fun).

8. Wearing sunglasses in all photos. We can’t tell how amazing your personality is through Tinder – yes, we are shallow on Tinder. We want to see your eyes and your face!

9. Photos with a female. Is she your girlfriend, wife or just a female friend? We don’t know. That’s a left-swipe – sorry!

10. Photos with kids. Unless you tell us explicitly in the narrative that that’s your nephew or niece, we will assume the kid is yours – are you married as well? Photos with kids are great – they imply that you like them and that you’ll be great dads of our halfie babies one day. Narrative is required though!

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What is it like to work in Vietnam?

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A lot of my friends have been asking me what it is like to work in Vietnam. The below summarises my experience and observations of the working style of the Vietnamese in Vietnam.

Hours vs. productivity

The Vietnamese love to work (read spend long hours in the office). They claim they are busy – all the time. Yet, somehow deadlines are rarely met and work hardly gets delivered to an agreed standard. At quiet times (holiday season) when there isn’t much work around, you will still find a lot of Vietnamese in the office at late hours. Such great employees: they really like their work, don’t they?

If the boss works late, the juniors work late too. Interestingly, once the boss leaves, the juniors do too, approximately one minute after their boss’ departure. What a coincidence the juniors are always as busy as their boss.

Now, as a comparison of average time spent on a piece of work in the western world vs. Vietnam, if you give the Vietnamese a task that you would expect to be finished in 30 minutes in the western world, you should allow at least two hours for a Vietnamese to handle such a task. You’d expect the final product to be of better quality or to be more innovative given the time spent on it, right? Only in your dream…

Ownership and accountability vs. the lack thereof

The Vietnamese work on a task given to them; they don’t own the task or assume accountability for such a task. If they think they can’t handle their task, they will tell you so and ask you to find another staff member who can. As mentioned above, deadlines have no meaning to the Vietnamese. Where is the rush? Nobody is dying…

Urgent task – DIY (do it yourself)

You give a Vietnamese an urgent task and that task ends at the bottom of their “to do” list. The Vietnamese don’t understand the concept of “prioritising”; when asked to prioritise a particular piece of work, they’ll tell you they are working on an extensive (usually non-urgent) project and also have other work to do and as such, they won’t be able to get to the urgent task until a couple of days later – no compromise. Result? If you want something done urgently, do it yourself.

Manners, courtesy, respect – what’s that?

Time manners are absent and so is spatial perception. You should expect a meeting scheduled for 10 am to start from 10 to 30 minutes later. You should also expect the office doors to be shut in your face when entering the office if you are behind a Vietnamese colleague. While visiting the ladies room, you may also get exposed to some interesting (read weird and loud) noises. I always thought that only animals are capable of such noises.

No skills do get you to the top

With a little skillset you can get to the top, due to the lack of competition and low expectations. I see a lot of Vietnamese at senior positions that lack most skills (people management, time management, etc.) and traits (charisma, charm, etc.) that you would normally see in a lot of senior executives in the western world.

If it’s not written, it never happened

If something has been discussed orally but has not been documented in writing, for the Vietnamese, it has never been discussed. They say one thing one day, then another thing the next day and in a few days they don’t recall any of the things they’ve said.  This can be very frustrating as you may end up repeating yourself like a parrot and may usually not get anywhere anyway. Lesson learnt? Document everything important that you discuss orally in writing.

Common sense is not so common

New shops, cafes and bars open every day in Vietnam. The same shops, cafes and bars close overnight. It seems that the “try and fail” method is used as opposed to a thorough market research or just pure common sense.

Have you ever been to any of the airports in Vietnam? It’s impressive that you can get a piece of painting there. You can also buy gifts and other unnecessary clutter at the Vietnamese airport shops. Need a toothpaste or suncream? Yeah, you will not get those at an airport in Vietnam.

It’s all about the family vs. the good and the bad are equal

True communists, the Vietnamese companies promote family atmosphere at work; they want everyone to feel good about themselves. As such, it is common practice amongst many companies in Vietnam that over-performers get the same performance review results as those who are under-performing.  In the western world, this approach would encourage under-performing employees to carry on under-performing while those who are over-performing to care less and eventually leave. I have started to see a similar pattern happening in Vietnam. Companies that promote communist equality and the “feel good about themselves” attitude are starting to end up with bad-performing employees as the good-performing ones are leaving for challenging roles.

 

 

How to impress a European lady – tips for American men (or what American men should learn from their European counterparts, to win the heart of a European girl)

I am European. As such, I have standards and am hard to impress. Most European women have standards, most European women are hard to impress. American men like European women. European women don’t like American men. In order to get a European woman interested, an American man needs to learn to be more European.

Dining manners (learn from the French)

Dining with you guys is … ehmm … quite an experience. A European woodcutter holds a spoon the way you do while a four-year old child in Europe licks their knife like you. You could definitely do with a lesson or two on a dining etiquette from the French.

Appreciation of good food and wine (learn from the Spanish)

Your favourite dishes are a double cheese burger and mac & cheese. Please don’t commit such cringe-worthy food faux pas by ordering your favourite dish for us. Instead, do yourselves a favour and find some Spanish friends that will introduce you to the world of tasty paella, delicious tapas and divine wine. If you want to impress us, take us to a fine Spanish restaurant on a date. If you want to get rid of us, take us to an American diner.

Fashion style (learn from the Italians)

It’s common knowledge amongst us, Europeans, that you have poor taste in clothes. The ill-fitted suits, the ugly shoes, the hideous caps you wear at weekends?! Walking fashion disasters! I would encourage you visit Milan and observe the stylishness and elegance of the chic Italians.

Sense of humour / banter (learn from the English)

Dear American men, being loud and in our face is in no way hilarious or entertaining for us; it’s annoying. The English would definitely have one or two things to teach you.

Efficiency (learn from the Germans)

You are known for working long hours aka office face time. The Germans are known for working less and being efficient. Dear American men: more efficiency, less face time! Ask a German how it’s done.

Charm (learn from the Scots)

Telling us that you are a hedge fund manager or investment banker and how much you “make” will not get you into our knickers. I’ll give you a tip: go on the pull with a Scot. He’ll show you how to approach and talk to a girl, without all the cheese and sleaze.

Intellectuality (learn from Scandinavians)

We know, you are American and you live in America. For girls from third-world countries, an American passport would probably be the passport into their hearts.  For us, Europeans, it’s the intellectual and stimulating conversations that will open the doors for you into ours. We want to talk about history and philosophy – go and learn some from the Scandinavians.

Global awareness & worldview (learn from all Europeans)

Dear American boys, there is an entire world outside of the United States. It’s the travel and appreciation of different cultures what makes men for us interesting; not boasting about the fact you live in the best country in the world without ever having stepped outside of America. So go travel, go explore! Just like us, Europeans…