Why I love (and care about) Asian men

Fact: I never cared about black men, I never cared about Indian or Latino men either. I didn’t care about Asian men.

I never found black men attractive. I did fancy Indian men for a while in my life but never actually dated one. I did have a Latino boyfriend a couple of years ago but he didn’t change my perception on them – I still don’t fancy Latino men, I still don’t care.

Then I got the yellow fever. I am trying to think when exactly I got infected. I think deep down I always found Asian men attractive but I didn’t care and would never approach them – you know why, you hear stories about their boring personalities, about their materialism, about their … “tools”. Finally, I also thought that they wouldn’t find white Western girls attractive or that they would be just too shy to approach me because “white girls don’t date Asian guys”.

Then I started dating them and I started to care. Now, I only like Asian guys and this is why:

  • They have hair at the right places. It’s hard to see hair at the right places on Western men. Western guys usually have hair all over their body but not where it’s supposed to be. Asian men have pretty awesome hair where it’s supposed to be and they let you touch it. Hands up – if you are a female – how many times have you heard “don’t” when trying to touch your Western boyfriend’s hair (well, if they still have any left on their heads)?
  • They have amazing smooth skin. You want to cuddle with them all the time. You want to kiss their face too. The stubble on Western men just irritates your skin.
  • They are super hot. I’ve read countless articles about how a lot of women (including Asian women living in certain Western countries) don’t find Asian guys attractive, how “ugly” they find them. I believe that these women are either blind or have been brainwashed in those countries by the “white supremacy”.
  • They don’t mind carrying your handbag. Whenever I’d ask my Western exes to carry or hold my bag for a second, the answer would be the same: “no, I am not gay”.
  • Sex is pretty awesome. Somehow, they know what to do with their “tool”.
  • They are perceived as “nerdy” or “good with computers”. I don’t see anything wrong with that. Better nerdy than stupid!
  • They all want to have children. I have a lot of female friends wanting children while their husbands or boyfriends don’t. All Asian guys I’ve met want babies.

 

 

 

 

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How to impress a European lady – tips for American men (or what American men should learn from their European counterparts, to win the heart of a European girl)

I am European. As such, I have standards and am hard to impress. Most European women have standards, most European women are hard to impress. American men like European women. European women don’t like American men. In order to get a European woman interested, an American man needs to learn to be more European.

Dining manners (learn from the French)

Dining with you guys is … ehmm … quite an experience. A European woodcutter holds a spoon the way you do while a four-year old child in Europe licks their knife like you. You could definitely do with a lesson or two on a dining etiquette from the French.

Appreciation of good food and wine (learn from the Spanish)

Your favourite dishes are a double cheese burger and mac & cheese. Please don’t commit such cringe-worthy food faux pas by ordering your favourite dish for us. Instead, do yourselves a favour and find some Spanish friends that will introduce you to the world of tasty paella, delicious tapas and divine wine. If you want to impress us, take us to a fine Spanish restaurant on a date. If you want to get rid of us, take us to an American diner.

Fashion style (learn from the Italians)

It’s common knowledge amongst us, Europeans, that you have poor taste in clothes. The ill-fitted suits, the ugly shoes, the hideous caps you wear at weekends?! Walking fashion disasters! I would encourage you visit Milan and observe the stylishness and elegance of the chic Italians.

Sense of humour / banter (learn from the English)

Dear American men, being loud and in our face is in no way hilarious or entertaining for us; it’s annoying. The English would definitely have one or two things to teach you.

Efficiency (learn from the Germans)

You are known for working long hours aka office face time. The Germans are known for working less and being efficient. Dear American men: more efficiency, less face time! Ask a German how it’s done.

Charm (learn from the Scots)

Telling us that you are a hedge fund manager or investment banker and how much you “make” will not get you into our knickers. I’ll give you a tip: go on the pull with a Scot. He’ll show you how to approach and talk to a girl, without all the cheese and sleaze.

Intellectuality (learn from Scandinavians)

We know, you are American and you live in America. For girls from third-world countries, an American passport would probably be the passport into their hearts.  For us, Europeans, it’s the intellectual and stimulating conversations that will open the doors for you into ours. We want to talk about history and philosophy – go and learn some from the Scandinavians.

Global awareness & worldview (learn from all Europeans)

Dear American boys, there is an entire world outside of the United States. It’s the travel and appreciation of different cultures what makes men for us interesting; not boasting about the fact you live in the best country in the world without ever having stepped outside of America. So go travel, go explore! Just like us, Europeans…

Women of Vietnam

A lot of my friends I have spoken to have asked me to write about the kind of people I meet. My first write-up on this topic is on Vietnamese women. The below has been collated based on my observations as well as observations of my male expat friends.

The Vietnamese purpose of motorbikes mirrors

I always thought that mirrors on vehicles are there so we are able to see what’s going on behind us and to avoid any rear-enders. Not for Vietnamese women. The Vietnamese ladies have found a different use of the mirrors – they are used solely for the application of lipstick or mascara.

Warriors in the past, superwomen in the present

A large number of Vietnamese women served in the Vietnam War. They all were volunteers and true warriors, and to date the women in Vietnam are proud of this fact. I’ve been to the Vietnamese women’s museum in Hanoi that has a section dedicated to female veterans – it’s pretty impressive. The Vietnamese women nowadays resemble a modern prototype of female warriors; they are full time workers, full time mothers and full time housemaids. They are super women. Sometimes I wonder why they bother with men. The Vietnamese ladies seem to be pretty capable of looking after themselves.

Heavy weightlifters

You see tiny Vietnamese women carry enormous boxes of groceries and pull heavy carts with other clutter that they aim to sell at markets. Gotta work those muscles. I also see Vietnamese men on motorbikes on the streets taking naps all day long in the sunshine. Gotta work on the tan!

The celebration of Vietnamese women

The Vietnamese ladies have the entire three days in a year dedicated to celebrating them: the Valentine’s Day, the Women’s Day and the Mother’s Day. Lucky ladies! During these three days, women take priority over other activities of the Vietnamese men (work gets unfinished, the deadlines are not met, drinking with friends and female companions gets rescheduled, etc.). The rest of the year the ladies of Vietnam are taken for granted and are often uncared for.

The outside over the inside

The Vietnamese ladies take pride of their appearance and look after their external image accordingly. They keep slim, they moisturise, they get their nails and hair done, they wear fake eyelashes and lot of them have fake boobs (I always wondered how such tiny creatures could have such big boobs – until my male friends told me).  In fact, they spend so much time taking care of their outside that I sometimes feel they do not have any time left for taking care of their inside. The Vietnamese women somehow seem to (due to poor education) or pretend to (due to social expectations) lack personality, opinions, global awareness and general knowledge. From the conversations I’ve had with a lot of male expats, the lack of such traits seems to be desired amongst the male population of Vietnam. If a woman shows a bit of personality or has opinions, she is not attractive for Vietnamese men. I guess birds of a feather flock together.

Umbrellas are for sunny days

Just like the Japanese (or rather because of the Japanese), the Vietnamese women are obsessed with white skin. The whiter, the better. Unlike in the western world, where umbrellas are used exclusively during rainy days, umbrellas in Vietnam are used exclusively during sunny days. In my opinion, the whiter the Vietnamese ladies are, the more ghostly and unhealthy they look. The lack of sun, vitamin D deficiency and weakened immune system mean they are always sick.

Yes to marrying a foreign man

A certain category of ladies of Vietnam are crazy about marrying a foreigner as they associate “foreign” with money and the freedom to travel the world. Now, these Vietnamese females know that it is important to choose their foreign guy wisely. The more desperate, uninteresting and intellectually slow the foreign guy looks, the more chances the Vietnamese girl has to get married to them. A lot of expat men I’ve met are only interested in flings and tend to “date” a number of Vietnamese ladies simultaneously while actually looking for someone who can intellectually stimulate them. Intellectual stimulation with a Vietnamese girl will happen once in a blue moon.

 

Backpackers and their stereotypes

Whenever I categorise people based on their personalities, behaviours or traits, rooted from my experience in dealing with them, I get a response “omg, you are stereotyping again”. Well, the word stereotype was invented for a reason. There is also a valid reason for certain stereotypes. I agree, stereotyping makes us ignore unique differences but it also creates certain expectations and as such helps us act / prepare accordingly.

While backpacking through South East Asia last year, I had a chance to meet a lot of backpackers from different backgrounds and nationalities. Slowly, I started placing them into my small boxes:

  • I stereotyped the backpackers I met based on the type of their backpacking / travelling style and created three categories.
  • I also paid attention to similarities based on the nationality of the backpapers. I would only stereotype someone based on their nationality if I got a fit for purpose sample (i.e. if I met more than three backpackers of the same nationality non-simultaneously or a group of backpackers of the same nationality at more than one occasion).

Stereotypes based on a backpacking / travelling style

  1. Tourists
  • The backpackers I categorised as “tourists” tend to:
    • book organised tours,
    • hardly ever choose activities based on their passions or interests,
    • tend to follow guide books and do what all tourists and holidaymakers do.
  1. Travellers (including the nomads):
  • The backpackers I categorised as “travellers” tend to:
    • do most activities on their own,
    • use public transportation and hang out in local places (not just touristy areas),
    • choose activities based on their passions or interests.
  1. Drunkards
  • The backpackers I categorised as “drunkards” tend to:
    • drink all night, sleep all day,
    • not to do much apart from the above two activities.

Stereotypes based on nationality

  1. English guys
  • The better looking English gender,
  • Great sense of humour and banter.
  • Can’t handle alcohol well. 
  1. English girls
  • The worse looking English gender,
  • Can’t handle alcohol well,
  • Tendency to call you rude at 4 am when they get back to the hostel from a night out and you ask them politely to keep their voices down. Tendency to call you rude again at 10 am the following morning when you accidently drop a bottle of shampoo on the floor and wake them up. 
  1. Germans
  • Gotta love the rules!
  • There is nothing that will make the Germans change the rules – have you ever played card games with them? 
  1. Swiss
  • A stronger version of the Germans. The rules are RULES. 
  1. Asian nationalities (born, brought up and living in an Asian country)
  • Seem to have their hearing and / or speech impaired. Don’t say hi to you; don’t say hi back when you say hi first. 
  1. Americans
  • In your face all the time,
  • Very literal,
  • I also met (male) Americans who claimed they were “sarcastic”. If you are English or European, you must be thinking Americans and sarcastic? What? Well, I’ve conducted a research on this topic and there is such thing as American sarcasm. It’s just not really funny or clever the way the English or European sarcasm is. It’s more forced and “in your face”. Unless you are American, avoid at all times! 
  1. Canadians
  • Know how to get a party started,
  • Friendly and inclusive,
  • Hate when other people think they are American when they meet them for the first time. 
  1. Australians
  • Easy to impress,
  • Love making new friends. 
  1. Egyptians
  • Drink like a fish,
  • Can be a bit too serious at times. 
  1. Dutch
  • Fun,
  • Proud of the fact they get on well with the English. 
  1. French
  • Loyal backpackers; once they’ve found a travel companion, they tend to stick with them. 

 

Ten tips on what to do in Ho Chi Minh, a city that has nothing to offer

A lot of tourists that come to Vietnam either don’t bother visiting Ho Chi Minh City (or Saigon – the westernised version of the original Vietnamese name Sài Gòn that’s still used in daily speech nowadays) or they do and the verdict seems to be the same – “there isn’t much to do”. While I am of the opinion that this city indeed doesn’t have much going on, I have composed a list of ten “must see” and “must do” things and activities while visiting the business hub of the Nam.

  1. Go to the Saigon pool party that’s held every Saturday at the New World Hotel. I bet you won’t have seen so many tattoos, six packs and inter-racial inter-generational couples in your life. If you are a fairly well-rounded intelligent individual, the median IQ of people at this place will be increased dramatically when you visit.
  2. Pay a visit to one of the many speakeasy coffee shops and order a cà phê sữa nóng (Vietnamese hot coffee with condensed milk) and expect the staff to serve you a cà phê sữa đá (Vietnamese iced coffee with condensed milk). The Vietnamese are obsessed with ice and iced drinks and drinking hot coffee is almost unheard of amongst the Vietnamese – “but the hot coffee is hot, lady” is usually the response I get when I return the iced coffee back and ask for a hot one again.
  3. Visit one of the many rooftop bars, but I would advise you do this only after sunset. During the day, the view is spoilt by the unattractiveness of this city. This unattractiveness is cleverly camouflaged by the lights at night.
  4. Spend a day at Thao Dien, the expat bubble. It really is a completely different world out there. You may hang out at a bar pool, get your hair and nails done at western beauty salons, do your grocery shopping at a western supermarket or get a good quality massage (not the crap massage you get in District 1).  I’d say that the majority of expats who have been living in Saigon for a while eventually move to this area for its convenience. One thing to mention – parts of Thao Dien get flooded really badly during the rainy season. So if you are visiting Saigon between May and October, bring your raincoat and wellies.
  5. Spend a day sightseeing. The sights you should visit include the Independence Palace, the Saigon Notre-Dame Basilica, the War museum, the Ho Chi Minh City Hall and the Municipal Theatre. I guess the sights will take less than a day. Now, if you do not visit the aforementioned sights, you haven’t missed much.
  6. Explore the famous Cu Chi tunnels, the immense network of connecting underground tunnels built during the war around Ho Chi Minh. If you are tall (i.e. over 180 cm) or fat, you may wish to reconsider as you may not be able to fit into the narrow spaces, designed for the tiny Vietnamese. If you suffer from claustrophobia, you may wish to give the Cu Chi tunnels a miss altogether.
  7. Go on a Mekong Delta tour. I haven’t been and I still live. Do the maths!
  8. Grab a bike or uber a moto and see the city from a different perspective. Sit back and enjoy the ride, relish the adrenaline and watch the chaos, craziness, dirtiness, ugliness of this city. If you think that grab / uber bikers have mastered the traffic or driving in Ho Chi Minh, think again. I’ve already been in an accident while taking a grab bike.
  9. Visit one of the many markets and buy all the clutter that you don’t really need while celebrating the victory of having haggled the price down slightly (hint: you still get ripped off anyway).
  10. Hang out in the backpacker area. Get drunk and be ridiculous – show the Vietnamese how absurd the Western people can be.

A blonde girl’s experiment of dating Asian guys

Introduction

I never thought I’d get infected with the yellow fever, until I did.

I was never interested in Asians and always dated Westerners. It never even occurred to me that Asian males would find white females attractive. Then I caught the Asian fever and learnt that Asian boys do like white girls.

While I was travelling in South East Asia last year, suddenly everywhere I looked, I saw Asian men; wherever I went, I met Asian men.  This whetted my appetite and I became curious – I wanted to find out what it’s like to date one. I decided to do an experiment.

Methods

I downloaded tinder with the aim to date Asian men only. I would swipe right for an Asian man and left for a Western man. I met seven Asian guys in total trough tinder in a space of three months: two in Kuala Lumpur (KL), one in Sydney and four in Ho Chi Minh. I tinder-talked with a few more, but only one is worth mentioning. To complete the picture of my experiment, I have also decided to include a guy I met through mutual friends in the results.

Results

I met the following tinder and non-tinder guys, in this particular order:

The player (¼ Chinese / ¾ Malay Malaysian)

I matched with the player while travelling in KL. He was Malaysian but spent most of his childhood and teenage years living and studying overseas. He was a great date. Short and not particularly good-looking, he was witty and charming. He always said the right words and took me to the right places. He was trying to impress. I really liked this guy; in my head we were already engaged and living together.

We exchanged a few messages afterwards and left it at that. I think we both realised that none of us was going to get what we wanted: me getting engaged to him, him getting into my knickers.

 The bore (Taiwanese Ozzie)

We matched while I was visiting friends in Sydney. He wasn’t interesting or charming and he wasn’t my “type”. He seemed interesting, charming and good-looking enough after three glasses of wine and I agreed to hang out with him again.

We met a couple of more times and the morning of my flight back to South East Asia, he sent me a rather wordy message expressing his romantic feelings towards me – bless him. I would hear from him now and then and oh, man, he could be full of himself.

We met again as friends a couple of weeks ago in Singapore. That’s when I realised that apart from drinking, we had absolutely nothing else in common. He was the stereotype of your typical Asian guy – materialistic, narrow-thinking and boring. I don’t think we’ll be hearing from each other again any time soon.

The “white girl” obsessed one (Malay Malaysian)

Once back to KL from my Sydney trip, I got a match with a guy who just returned back to KL after spending a few years studying and working in the US. He was super thrilled that I agreed to have a date with him and drove two hours to the city to meet me. Out of too much excitement or due to the lack of confidence, he asked his friend to join us too after we’d met, either to “witness” our date or to provide emotional support. I didn’t quite work it out.

So I got to have a date with two guys – whoop whoop. And they couldn’t believe their luck – they were out with a white girl. Malay boys never go out with white girls in KL. “Desperate” to be seen hanging out with a white girl amongst the rich of KL, they invited me to a party at an expensive rooftop bar the following night. “Please, come. We’ll pay for all your drinks.”

I was off to Vietnam the next day and never saw them again. I wonder whether they’ve been able to get another white tinder girl to agree to a night out with them at the rooftop bar.

 The weirdo (Malay Malaysian)

After getting a match with this guy, we exchanged a few messages. I never agreed to meet him as he sounded like a complete weirdo. He assumed that because I am blonde I must be a cheap bimbo. I stopped responding ages ago but to date he sends random messages to me. It seems like he enjoys texting without getting responses.

The stalker (Vietnamese)

I first met the stalker at a bar in a backpacker’s area in Ho Chi Minh while travelling in Vietnam. He approached me and we chatted for a while before I decided to call it a night. After I’d moved to Ho Chi Minh a month later, we matched on tinder. We agreed to meet. He picked me up on his motorbike from my work function and took me to great bars. He was nice and I thought I’d found myself a new friend.

He thought different. He refused to believe that I didn’t desire him or accept the fact I’d want to meet him through tinder as a friend only. Tinder is for dating he’d insist. He believed that we were officially dating and therefore we must become lovers. He thought I was his fate. Then the “bombarding” started – he would “attack” me with over twenty calls and messages on a daily basis. I broke his heart – I blocked him from my phone.

 The successful entrepreneur (Japanese)

We matched on tinder the first week I moved to Ho Chi Minh. A typical Japanese, he was very polite and reserved. I really couldn’t work out whether he liked me or not.

We’d had a few more dates before he took off for pastures new. Being a successful entrepreneur and due to the nature of his business, he never sticks around in one place for more than a week.

We keep in touch and hang out occasionally when he is in Saigon for business. He is quite cool and I enjoy his company. Definitely a keeper for someone ten years my junior who is looking for a long-distance fun bohemian-style relationship.  Unfortunately, I am ten years too old for such boyfriend material.

The hot Viet Kieu (American born Vietnamese)

We met through friends at a party. I thought “wow, he is super-hot” – tall, well-built and he spoke English … tick-tick. A bit nerdy too, which I like. We’ve never been on a date but we occasionally see each other on nights out as we have mutual friends. We seem poles apart and I doubt we would get along well romantically.

 The dull sweetheart (Vietnamese Ozzie)

Originally from Ho Chi Minh, he was visiting his parents back in his home city for Christmas. Once we matched, we started chatting. He knew how to talk and he was entertaining. It turned out that it was only his typing skills that were excellent. Face to face, his ability to talk was inferior while his entertaining skills were entry-level.

The next day he went the trouble to go on a mission to search for dry shampoo for me in the entire city of Ho Chi Minh (dry shampoo is a rarity in Vietnam). He was a sweetheart, a dull sweetheart.

 The emotionally unavailable (American born Chinese)

He was my last tinder date. We matched around Christmas time and agreed to meet in a nice bar in Ho Chi Minh on the New Year’s Day. After we’d met, we didn’t part until the following month. We ate breakfast together, we lunched together, we had dinner together. We drank coffee together, we worked out at the gym together, we boozed together. We travelled together. We lived in each other’s pockets.

My last tinder date became my first Asian boyfriend. It turned out that while I was planning a wedding in my head, he was emotionally unavailable. We broke up.

Conclusion

While the dating experiment was fun and I met some interesting men and also my ex boyfriend, I think I am done with dating (Asian) guys online. Although I still have tinder on my phone, I don’t use it anymore.

I must say that I was pleasantly surprised how great tinder dating was. I’ve never been a fan of online dating and I didn’t think very highly of tinder. I tried it and I liked it.

I am on the singles market again, available to date. However, meeting an interesting man in Vietnam is like trying to find a needle in haystack. So instead, I stay at home and write blogs over a cup of tea or a glass of wine.

Finally, I still find Asian men attractive and wouldn’t look at a Western guy twice. Maybe I’ll be able to”recover” from the yellow fever one day and will start giving Western men a second look. Any takers?

Vietnam survival guide or how to assimilate to the life in Vietnam

No one has ever said “I love living in Vietnam”. No one has ever said “I hate living in Vietnam” either. The majority of the expats who have assimilated into this country “accept” living here and those who haven’t, leave.

The cognitive process of assimilation in Vietnam could be broken down into three stages, as follows:

  • “Beauty to beast stage” (0 – 6 months): From a person with a lovely soul you turn into a nasty savage. This period brings the worst in you, in fact it brings up the personality traits you never thought were part of your character.
  • “Digestion stage” (6 – 12 months): You are digesting. While digesting, you are becoming more accepting and tolerating. Your expectations and standards have decreased dramatically. You have stopped caring; you have started assimilating.
  • “Acceptance stage” (over 12 months): You have accepted the life in Vietnam and now believe that it is normal too. You have assimilated. Congratulations!

I have collated the following fourteen tips that should serve as a guide on how to survive the first two stages and achieve the ultimate state of acceptance of life in Vietnam. The list is not exhaustive and more tips are welcome!

  1. Don’t have expectations. If you don’t expect anything, no matter what you get, it will be bonus.
  2. Lower your standards on everything and everyone. That way nothing and no-one will ever disappoint.
  3. Change your wardrobe – “the cheaper, the better”. Recommended colour – grey. Only grey can absorb the dirt and dust and yet retain its original colour.
  4. Keep your belongings with you at all times, or give them to the charity instead as the pickpockets will take over their ownership.
  5. Beat the traffic by becoming a fume hoover on a motorbike or “fail” the traffic by using taxis.
  6. If you are not used to smiling, learn to smile. Most of the communication with the locals is done through smiling. So keep smiling. If you are English, get yourself a good dentist first.
  7. Learn how not to take No for an answer or accept No as the answer you’ll get.
  8. Learn to be patient. An estimated time for something that takes five minutes to resolve in the western world is approximately two hours in Vietnam.
  9. Get an appartment with a washing machine and do your washing yourself or risk losing half of your clothes and the other half being damaged.
  10. Learn to haggle effectively or you’ll end up paying almost western prices for non-western quality services and goods.
  11. Find yourself Vietnamese friends – you will need their Vietnamese language skills at some point. On this note, if your aim is to sort out a certain problem in an efficient manner, don’t involve your Vietnamese friend in helping you do so. They have a talent to turn a small problem into a big one…sigh.
  12. Learn to ignore the locals on the street or practise “no, thank you” as you’ll have to say it over a hundred times a day.
  13. Learn to use the correct words for describing certain services. For example, the response you give when someone asks how good the massage place was, is “clean”. In Vietnam, clean means good. Learn the meanings of these words and use them accordingly.
  14. Teach yourself to make the “small talk” or learn to drink heavily – with most expats you either small talk or booze. If you are not a fan of either, stay at home and read books or write blogs.

Happy Vietnam living, folks!